Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The Olympian is in my bed
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
