Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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