He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
he laminated a picture of his dick.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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