I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
