I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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