The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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