I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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