no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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