Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
