Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
