Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I think i got beer on your cat.
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