just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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