Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
