I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
