Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
