btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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