he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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