Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
