i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
