I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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