i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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