You can't special order awesome
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize