FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
