definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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