my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
