I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
