I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
