what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
