How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
