I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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