break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
