Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
