its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
