I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
