Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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