i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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