you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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