I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
