the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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