I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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