Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Randomize