Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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