We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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