oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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