I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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