First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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