Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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