Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
