My friends, they love my intelligence
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
