the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize