guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
