Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Alive.
So much puke
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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