9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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