You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I cannot find my penis.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
