Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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