you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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