some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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