1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
