fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
