And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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