do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
This is the high leading the old right now
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
