I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
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This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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