i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
