i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
