Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
