I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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