matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
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