from now on my penis is your penis
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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