i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
