Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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