Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
