a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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