He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
