There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
