the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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