she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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